


482. stranded

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [222]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 15:42:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9614627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: If she had imagined Beth again, Sarah would have known there was some sort of chance. ButHelena, suddenly standing over her after the first time Sarah fell down. Helena, the god in the machine of Sarah’s brain. The real Helena only comes when things are desperate – that’s the only time Sarah can let herself wish for Helena to be there. She can never quite believe in Helena when she isn’t about to die.





	

_You should find running water,_ Helena says. _For your leg. If you don’t clean it, it will get very messy._

“Great,” Sarah snaps. “I’ll get right on that.” She’s limping through the woods. Susan had mentioned a boat – it can’t have been a feverdream, because Sarah refuses to believe in that. There has to be a boat. It has to have a first-aid kit on it. In her dreams Cosima is there, and she has Charlotte and the cure and a smile on her face and Sarah can _make_ it there, she can, she will.

The situation isn’t desperate.

…

This would be easier to believe if her brain hadn’t given her Helena.

If it had been Beth again, Sarah would have known there was some sort of chance. But _Helena_ , suddenly standing over her after the first time Sarah fell down. Helena, the god in the machine of Sarah’s brain. The real Helena only comes when things are desperate – that’s the only time Sarah can let herself wish for Helena to be there. She can never quite believe in Helena when she isn’t about to die.

_You won’t die_ , Helena says. _But it will be bad._

“Thanks,” Sarah says. “Can you at least pretend to not read my mind?”

_No_ , Helena says peaceably. When Sarah doesn’t look at her straight-on she blurs; Sarah’s blood-loss brain can’t decide whether or not Helena is pregnant. She forgets. Sometimes Helena is bleeding. Sometimes Helena is bleeding from the same places Sarah is bleeding; other times it’s the places Sarah has hurt her.

Which is worse?

_It’s getting light_ , Helena says.

“I _know_.”

_It will be easier_ , Helena says, _when the sun is up_.

“You made it through that rebar in the liver,” Sarah gasps as she stumbles forward. “This is – nothing. This is fine. Yeah?”

_Also a gunshot wound_ , Helena says promptly. _But maybe I think she hit an artery_.

“You don’t even know that word.”

_You know that word. I know that word also._

“I wish you were Beth,” Sarah spits out, just to hurt her. Because, yeah, lashing out at a figment of her imagination, that’s something sane and emotionally well-adjusted people do.

Fuck it, she’s dying. She doesn’t need an excuse.

_She left_ , Helena says. _She went away. She took a train._

“No she didn’t, meathead,” Sarah says – then she whines as she stumbles badly over a tree root, jostling her leg.

_Yes she did_ , Helena says. _You know this_ , sestra _. Beth is the Sarah that takes a train. I am the Sarah that doesn’t take a train. You are the Sarah that takes a boat, I think. But not yet. Now you are the Sarah that keeps walking._

_You’re not me_ , Sarah wants to say, but they both – they – she knows it isn’t true. _I need you_ , Sarah wants to say, but she doesn’t want to put that into words Helena can hear.

_I know_ , Helena says quietly anyways. The sun is rising, but it doesn’t touch her. No dawn-pink on her brow. It’s just her face. No blood. No anything. _I will stay_ , she says. _Until you don’t need me anymore._

“Thanks,” Sarah says hoarsely. She looks back down at the ground so she doesn’t have to look at Helena’s face. She keeps stumbling forward, step after step.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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